freedom, independence, and adulthood

Freedom is often illusory. We think ourselves free while living in a box of our own making. The mistake is thinking that freedom is external. But every choice has natural consequences. They're two sides of the same coin. And so, when we choose to avoid consequences, we also choose to take away our own freedom to make those choices.

True independence is instead internal. The more we are able to face and accept the consequences of our decisions, the more free become. I'm only free to speak my mind to a friend if I'm able to accept the possible consequence of a lost friendship. To instead avoid friendships for fear of loss is as much robbing myself of my freedom as not speaking would be.

We often think of becoming adults as the end of our freedom. We're expected by family and society to increasingly transfer to ourselves the consequences of our decisions. But with practice, we mature. And we become better equipped to take responsibility for ourself and our actions. And so, independence is actually the fruit of adulthood. Only when I am able to face the consequences of any choice I make, am I truly free to make any choice I wish.

on trust

I’ve been thinking about the word “trust” – how often we use it in discussing relationships and yet how ill-defined it is. “I trust a rope.” “I trust my bank.” “I trust my person.” Obviously, the word “trust” in the context of a rope is quite different than the word “trust” when referring to a bank, and both seem worlds different than the word “trust” used when discussing relationships. Often when we tell someone that we trust them, it is assumed we mean that we trust them to abstain from mal-intent toward us. But I think there’s a more essential meaning – one actually common to all three examples. It’s true that if we trust our bank this means that we trust them not to steal our money. But it also means that we trust them to run the bank in a responsible manner making it unlikely we’ll lose our money to some unintended financial mishap. On the other hand, a rope isn’t capable of “intentionally” doing anyth...

efficiency versus flow

This diagram illustrates my frustration with contemporary life. The square represents the most efficient way to complete an activity or task. The circles represent the available blocks of time due to meetings, appointments, etc. The square won't fit and so has to be divided over two time blocks. The result is it takes twice as long to accomplish and wastes time that could've been used for something else (i.e. the white space within the circles.) In real life, this manifests mostly as having to divide my work day up due to doctors appointments, swimming with my son, etc. And so, I start something, work on it a while, put it away, then start again the next time. Rather than start and finish it in one block of time. I think this is a consequence of modern industrial life. Our obsession with efficiency, causes us to schedule into ever smaller blocks of time. But this has the unintended consequence of making meaningful work, that requires l...

difference

I mostly prefer experiencing life with someone else, while others mostly prefer experiencing life alone. Recently, I had my first experience with rock balancing. I was alone, and so I took a picture and sent it to a friend. Not having someone with me made the experience somehow less real. Only by sharing the experience could I truly enjoy it. Others better reflect upon things privately, perhaps through journaling, mediation, or art. For these people, the presence of another person only distracts from their ability to reflect and so fully realize the experience. There is no right way but to live in harmony with one's self.

rambling in the wood...

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