freedom, independence, and adulthood

Freedom is often illusory. We think ourselves free while living in a box of our own making. The mistake is thinking that freedom is external. But every choice has natural consequences. They're two sides of the same coin. And so, when we choose to avoid consequences, we also choose to take away our own freedom to make those choices.

True independence is instead internal. The more we are able to face and accept the consequences of our decisions, the more free become. I'm only free to speak my mind to a friend if I'm able to accept the possible consequence of a lost friendship. To instead avoid friendships for fear of loss is as much robbing myself of my freedom as not speaking would be.

We often think of becoming adults as the end of our freedom. We're expected by family and society to increasingly transfer to ourselves the consequences of our decisions. But with practice, we mature. And we become better equipped to take responsibility for ourself and our actions. And so, independence is actually the fruit of adulthood. Only when I am able to face the consequences of any choice I make, am I truly free to make any choice I wish.

difference

I mostly prefer experiencing life with someone else, while others mostly prefer experiencing life alone. Recently, I had my first experience with rock balancing. I was alone, and so I took a picture and sent it to a friend. Not having someone with me made the experience somehow less real. Only by sharing the experience could I truly enjoy it. Others better reflect upon things privately, perhaps through journaling, mediation, or art. For these people, the presence of another person only distracts from their ability to reflect and so fully realize the experience. There is no right way but to live in harmony with one's self.

on trust

I’ve been thinking about the word “trust” – how often we use it in discussing relationships and yet how ill-defined it is. “I trust a rope.” “I trust my bank.” “I trust my person.” Obviously, the word “trust” in the context of a rope is quite different than the word “trust” when referring to a bank, and both seem worlds different than the word “trust” used when discussing relationships. Often when we tell someone that we trust them, it is assumed we mean that we trust them to abstain from mal-intent toward us. But I think there’s a more essential meaning – one actually common to all three examples. It’s true that if we trust our bank this means that we trust them not to steal our money. But it also means that we trust them to run the bank in a responsible manner making it unlikely we’ll lose our money to some unintended financial mishap. On the other hand, a rope isn’t capable of “intentionally” doing anyth...

on values

Do our values change? Or do we simply lose track of who we are? When I was a boy, I was obsessed with David Carradine’s character Kwai Chang Caine. A fugitive shao-lin monk, he was forced to drift throughout the old west with only the clothes on his back and a few belongings, no place, no family, no friendships. And while each episode presented a new hardship to bear, he faced each with complete equanimity, finding purpose in the spiritual care of others. As a teenager, I longed to be just like him. But I grew up, went away to college, started a career and a family, and became busy. Then a couple of years ago, I found myself alone again – forced to sort out who I was and what I might want from life. During one period of reflection, I conceived of a set of guiding principles that resonated deep within me: simplicity – the avoidance of all but that which is either necessary or fulfilling, harmony ...

rambling in the wood...

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