rambling in the wood...

Why do some losses drive us into despair, while others we face with equanimity?   I believe the answer is unrelated to the “depth of love” (a meaningless expression), but rather to how integral the person was to the fabric of our life.   I remember the passing of each of my parents.   I’d lived away from them for many years and so my everyday existence was unaffected.   I quickly returned to my life, sad but composed.   Imagine the essence of your life as a large piece of fabric and that of those you care about a different piece.   In most relationships, like mine with my parents, the fabrics are intertwined but yet still distinct.   Intermingled but fully separate.   And so, despite the loss, your own fabric is unharmed.   You still are very much who you were and your life as it was.   But now imagine a different relationship where the fabrics, rather than being intertwined, have become joined together in place...

Freedom is often illusory.  We think ourselves free while living in a box of our own making.  The mistake is thinking that freedom is external.  But every choice has natural consequences.  They're two sides of the same coin.  And so, when we choose to avoid consequences, we also choose to take away our own freedom to make those choices. True independence is instead internal.  The more we are able to face and accept the consequences of our decisions, the more free become.  I'm only free to speak my mind to a friend if I'm able to accept the possible consequence of a lost friendship.  To instead avoid friendships for fear of loss is as much robbing myself of my freedom as not speaking would be. We often think of becoming adults as the end of our freedom.  We're expected by family and society to increasingly transfer to ourselves the consequences of our decisions.  But with practice, we mature.  And we become better equipped to tak...

I mostly prefer experiencing life with someone else, while others mostly prefer experiencing life alone.   Recently, I had my first experience with rock balancing.   I was alone, and so I took a picture and sent it to a friend.   Not having someone with me made the experience somehow less real.   Only by sharing the experience could I truly enjoy it. Others better reflect upon things privately, perhaps through journaling, mediation, or art.  For these people, the presence of another person only distracts from their ability to reflect and so fully realize the experience. There is no right way but to live in harmony with one's self.